I was a girl without a goal.
For a long time.
I hate setting any target, because it sucks when you fail to achieve it.
I hate making promises that I will break in the future.
So, I always let it flow.
See how the way it goes.
But this year, I've been through a lot.
The ups and downs with my health, job, family, and emotional problems.
Just so you know, I'm a flat person.
I don't like conflict.
I don't like change.
So, my life is pretty monotonous for the last 23 years.
No big drama.
But, all of the sudden, those events came to my life without any announcement.
I was being pushed to give up all because of what happened to me.
I was being pushed to pay more attention to myself, my family, and what's going in my surrounding.
I still have a hard time adjusting what's happening in my life.
I still have a hard time accepting my condition right now.
I still have a hard time handling my emotion.
I still have a hard time figuring out what I wanna do and I wanna be.
I still have a hard time absorbing any kind of criticism that people give me.
I still have a hard time balancing my life.
I still have a hard time living a healthy life.
I still have a hard time making a good connection with my parents.
I am not perfect.
I make mistakes.
I live in fear of disappointing my family everyday of my life.
I live in fear of failure when so many people expect me to be better than who I am right now.
I live in fear that I'm gonna die useless.
I live in fear...for that long.
But I am a human being.
Just like any other human, I learn everyday.
I learn from my mistakes.
I learn from what already happen to my life.
The bad, the good, everything.
Those are the things that shapes my life, that makes me who I really am today.
It's not perfect.
It's not all glitz and glam.
But, I am eager to make amends.
To change my whole perspective.
Even adding some new principles.
And let go of my ego.
Next year, my wish is simple.
"I wanna be healthier, happier, and better as a person."
May God give me the way.
✚ Dheyzhere ✚